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What Men Are Really Thinking & How You Can Respond

Updated: Jan 18, 2021

Last week I posted the results from the questions I asked real life husbands and dads about their lives: Survey Says: What Men Are Really Thinking.

My intent was to follow that up with my takeaways from the exercise. Just as I sat down to articulate the sentiment that:

“Ladies, quite simply, guys want our attention and love.”

An email came through from my friend and author Jay Payleitner that articulated the words better than I surely could have. So read my article, then hear some takeaways you can implement straight from a man. He’s been married for decades and has five grown kids and a gaggle of grandkids, so he knows a thing or two about this stuff. Oh yeah, and he’s sold over half a million books.

Dear Ladies:

You know most of this already.

To begin with . . . just about all the conventional wisdom is true. Men like to eat. Men like sports. Men like gadgets. Men like fast cars and monster trucks. Men like movies with chase scenes, explosions, and tough talking male leads…...For better or worse, all these things will get our attention.

But we would trade any of those at any moment for a wife who stands, sits, or lies close to us, turns her face toward us and says, “I love you so much.”

Much has been written about the fact that men have a tough time saying “I love you.” Women do need to hear those words, don’t they? Well, we do too. Actually, men might need to hear it even more because we have fewer intimate relationships.

Sadly, when someone uses the word love around your husband, it’s usually describing pizza, football, smartphones or some action flick. But, that’s not love. And it’s certainly not love directed at your husband. That’s your job.

So, dear wives, if it’s in you…let it out. Say “I love you so much” to your husband tomorrow morning and see if he isn’t kinder and sweeter to you and everyone else he meets for the rest of the entire day.

Alternate methods for expressing your love are also very much appreciated. As a public service, here’s a convenient list of ways to show us and tell us in ways large and small in the course of the week.

Text him. Leave a sticky note in his briefcase. Leave a cookie wrapped and ribboned on his dashboard. Welcome him home. Smell good for him. Redecorate the bedroom. Invite him to share a bubblebath. Let him control the remote. Buy some massage oil. Use it. Buy him a romantic card when it isn’t Valentine’s Day. Cuddle in front of the fireplace. Book reservations at a bed and breakfast. At a social gathering, give him a wink or blow him a kiss across the room. Tell him he’s your best friend. Tell him he’s handsome. Tell him he’s a good father. Tell him he’s a good lover. Straighten his tie and sneak a kiss. Take him out for Starbucks. Take him out for ice cream. Dance with him in the kitchen – with or without music. Kiss his neck. Bite his earlobe. Jump in the shower with him. Take a walk around the block. Hold hands. Make him breakfast in bed. Bring him some hot coffee when he comes out of the shower. Bring him a cold beverage when he’s out mending fences or chopping firewood. Try a new shade of lipstick and ask him to test it. Write him a poem (even one that just starts “Roses are red . . .”). Sit on his lap.

There ya go. Words, actions, ideas. treats. Guaranteed methods for expressing that you really do care for him. He needs this stuff.

But, I’ve saved the best for last. Do you want to know the very best way to “love on” your husband? Here it is. Love on yourself. I know for many of you that’s not easy. It’s unbelievable how many women look in the mirror and don’t like what they see. That breaks your husband’s heart.

Think of it this way. Your husband finds you attractive. Which means you are, by definition, attractive! You are loved. You are worthy. You are the best thing that ever happened to your husband.

Got it? When you look in the mirror, please see someone who is loved. Let that truth give you new confidence and purpose. And then don’t forget to let some of that love overflow toward your deserving husband.

Be well,


Excerpt from Jay’s site: What Your Husband Really Needs.

To hear more visit or follow him on Facebook @jaykpayleitner


For more content like this, follow my writings on social media (Instagram and Facebook) and on my website Or hire me to coach or speak to your audience.

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