Throughout the month of May, I’m recognizing various aspects of motherhood, and I think this is the one I get THE most excited about. Adoptive moms.🤸🏾👏🏼 I believe strongly that the heart of adoption so closely mimics the heart of God.
My own ❤️ beats a little quicker at the idea that a child is so very, very wanted that a family goes to great lengths, spends enormous amounts of money, travels far distances, gets educated, sheds tears over setbacks, then sheds some more tears over that “moment” when their dream becomes a reality and their child is in their arms for the first time. Oh. My. Goodness. Don’t even get me started!
At this point, I’ll just let you read my Q and A with my adoptive mom-friend Ashley Newcomb. She and her husband Austin have four biological children and are in the process of adopting an infant boy.
Kim: You have done Safe Families for several years now, and now are in the process of adopting. What is your heart behind these decisions?
Ashley: We love kids! We strongly believe in supporting the family who chooses life even when it's hard.
Safe Families has allowed us to support many single moms and a few single dads who are doing their best to take care of the kids when life circumstances make it difficult. Adoption will allow our family to grow while helping a mom who is choosing life but also feels like she's not ready to be the mom she wants to be.
Kim: Any particular Safe Family stories that stand out? You’ve cared for a number of kids through the years.
Ashley: In 5 years we have hosted 15 kids and they each stand out for different reasons! One story that is funny was when we had a 2 year old boy, I ran upstairs to get dressed while everyone was playing nicely in the playroom. My son (who was 4 at the time) started yelling for me to come down right away. I ran down in the kitchen and found the Safe Families kiddo sitting in the kitchen sink! I have no idea how he got there but thankfully he didn't do it again! The success stories are my favorite, parents who take the time without their kids to make major life changes, it's really neat to be part of.
Kim: At what point were you “all in” with adoption? Were you and your husband on the same time frame?
Ashley: About 3.5 years ago I remember I was folding laundry praying for our family, what was "next"? We'd done Safe Families for a long time and we also had a mom and her newborn live with us for a year through the program Beautiful You. I felt like God had big plans for us but wasn't sure what. In that moment God gave me a very clear picture of what our family would look like, and that included adopting. I wanted to pray about it and not say anything to my husband so I didn't. A few months later we were in church and after worship Austin wrote a note to me that said "I think God just spoke to me about adopting" I wrote back "I'm in!" the look on his face was priceless. I later explained that I'd been waiting for him to say something! We took a month to pray as a family but ultimately realized that adoption was part of the plan for us.
Kim: Tell us a bit about the adoption process so far - choosing an agency, the highs and lows.
Ashley: The best way to sum up the process is a roller coaster. We have had high highs and some very low lows. We picked an agency because we knew 4 families who used the same agency. The agency has been fine, not great and not terrible =) We signed a 2 year contract with the agency which means for 2 years they'll post our info online, send our info to interested birth moms and do what they can to help us adopt. I was confident we'd have a baby in less then a year, I was wrong! We are now 22 months into our 24 month contract and are just now matched with a mom. Her due date is actually 6 days after our contract expires.
Of course the agency will work with us but I have been humbled over and over in the process. We have been connected 4 times with birth moms and 3 changed their minds, that was extremely hard! But we have seen God be so faithful and answer prayers along the way too.
Kim: What do you have to say about adoption and waiting? How have you heard God speak to you during this time? How has He spoken to Austin?
Ashley: God has used these past 2 years to show me so many things about myself. First, I really like to be in control =) I have zero control over this whole process and it's SO hard! But I am seeing reasoning for why things happened at certain times and that has strengthened my trust.
Austin's biggest worry in this has been money, he's the only one working to support our family so it makes sense! Friends and family have been so incredibly generous! Each check that was given to us has an amazing story of God prompting someone and them obeying. I've cried so many times over God's faithfulness. It always amazes me when someone texts me that I'm on their mind or they're praying for me and it's always on days that are hard, God is good and cares for us!
I have heard/ seen God in the little details. The mom we are currently matched with lives in Virginia. We don't know anyone there but we have friends who have friends who live in Virginia and have offered up rooms in their houses even though they don't know us. COVID-19 is changing so many things including laws that might prevent us from being in the delivery room or even being allowed in the hospital. I have started to worry but I have 2 years of God being faithful in terms of adoption so I know He will continue to be faithful as we get close to growing our family.